Francesca: Why on earth would I want to share my medical history with my man? If I say I’m tired I get the rolling of the eyes and the ever so stupid question, “What are you so tired about?” If I get a cold I still get asked the same question as every night: “What’s for dinner?” If a tell him my doctor thinks I’m stressed or anxious or depressed I get, “You want to know what happened to me at work today?” And God forbid I get a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection – I get yet another set of impressive comments and questions…”Yeah I thought you’ve been up to no good lately…” or “You’re always out to lunch, getting your nails done or not in the office…maybe that’s WHY you have an infection down there… “
I should be comfortable sharing medical history with my man but I’m not because the current information I share gets my responses like the ones I mentioned above, so what’s the point! I highly doubt I would get a sympathetic response like, “that must have been hard for you” or “wow, sorry that happened to you.” Ummmm no. Not happening. Not in this lifetime anyway.
Looking back, marry a man who loves you and cares more about you than he does himself. If he constantly comes before you, no matter what the circumstance, take it as a sign that you might be driving yourself to the hospital when the baby is coming.
Abby: If you had breast cancer, you’d want your man to be there to support you if you had a relapse. If you don’t trust your man enough to tell him that you had breast cancer in the first place, how well do you think he’s going to support you in your time of need? Medical problems are serious and you need to be able to share them with the person who is supposed to be the most important to you. You shouldn't marry a man you can't discuss your medical history with.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Question 23 - Do you feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with your man?
Abby: For a marriage to work, your man should be your partner in crime. That means that he is there when you succeed and when you fail. He is encouraging you to achieve your dreams, listening to your plans, and helping you get to the top of that mountain. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing those dreams with the person who should be the most important in the world to you, then you are with the wrong man. There are no excuses on this one.
Francesca: I would love to, only when I do I feel like he blows me off or dismisses them. I thought that’s what marriage was about, sharing dreams, helping each other make your dreams and goals happen, etc. But then what happens, life gets a hold of you and it’s a whirlwind of trying to juggle everything so I can see where he feels defeated as far as goals and dreams go.
Looking back I would really take a hard look at whether or your man is even capable of helping you achieve your goals and dreams. For example, if you choose a selfish man and you are primarily the “caretaker” of the relationship you can probably bet on it and win that your man is only going to be concerned with himself and his dreams and goals. I remember I offered to save up and buy a Movado watch for my man and he said something to the effect that if that was all he could get (he wanted a Rolex) than he’d rather not get a watch at all from me. Seriously – could I share my goals and dreams with someone who tells me that what I was willing to work for wasn’t good enough? These were all clues that I didn’t pay attention to.
I can’t totally say my man has been supportive of any goals or dreams I’ve accomplished throughout my life and we rarely discussed any of them because if I wanted to accomplish something I guess I already knew I had to do it on my own. I put myself through college; I found my biological father on my own. I’ve gotten great jobs and worked for great employers on my own. I mean everything that has been a dream or goal of mine I have accomplished without any help from my man.
If you’re not comfortable sharing the small stuff with your man or depend on him for the little things what makes you think you can depend on him to help you achieve your goals and dreams. My piece of advice on this is choose someone you feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with all the time, because goals and dreams change all the time. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with your man, there’s a reason and you should pay attention to it. Maybe it’s your own insecurity and you don’t have enough self-worth to feel worthy of even having any goals or dreams, that was my problem for a long time and this will definitely contribute toward your choosing a man who is more concerned with his dreams and goals than he will ever be with yours. This is a huge problem because if you put yourself second then you’ll always come second and it’s not necessarily all your man’s fault. Go tell your man some of your dreams and goals RIGHT NOW and see how he acts, it will be a great indication of where you stand RIGHT NOW.
Francesca: I would love to, only when I do I feel like he blows me off or dismisses them. I thought that’s what marriage was about, sharing dreams, helping each other make your dreams and goals happen, etc. But then what happens, life gets a hold of you and it’s a whirlwind of trying to juggle everything so I can see where he feels defeated as far as goals and dreams go.
Looking back I would really take a hard look at whether or your man is even capable of helping you achieve your goals and dreams. For example, if you choose a selfish man and you are primarily the “caretaker” of the relationship you can probably bet on it and win that your man is only going to be concerned with himself and his dreams and goals. I remember I offered to save up and buy a Movado watch for my man and he said something to the effect that if that was all he could get (he wanted a Rolex) than he’d rather not get a watch at all from me. Seriously – could I share my goals and dreams with someone who tells me that what I was willing to work for wasn’t good enough? These were all clues that I didn’t pay attention to.
I can’t totally say my man has been supportive of any goals or dreams I’ve accomplished throughout my life and we rarely discussed any of them because if I wanted to accomplish something I guess I already knew I had to do it on my own. I put myself through college; I found my biological father on my own. I’ve gotten great jobs and worked for great employers on my own. I mean everything that has been a dream or goal of mine I have accomplished without any help from my man.
If you’re not comfortable sharing the small stuff with your man or depend on him for the little things what makes you think you can depend on him to help you achieve your goals and dreams. My piece of advice on this is choose someone you feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with all the time, because goals and dreams change all the time. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with your man, there’s a reason and you should pay attention to it. Maybe it’s your own insecurity and you don’t have enough self-worth to feel worthy of even having any goals or dreams, that was my problem for a long time and this will definitely contribute toward your choosing a man who is more concerned with his dreams and goals than he will ever be with yours. This is a huge problem because if you put yourself second then you’ll always come second and it’s not necessarily all your man’s fault. Go tell your man some of your dreams and goals RIGHT NOW and see how he acts, it will be a great indication of where you stand RIGHT NOW.
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