Question 23 - Do you feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with your man?

Abby: For a marriage to work, your man should be your partner in crime. That means that he is there when you succeed and when you fail. He is encouraging you to achieve your dreams, listening to your plans, and helping you get to the top of that mountain. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing those dreams with the person who should be the most important in the world to you, then you are with the wrong man. There are no excuses on this one.

Francesca: I would love to, only when I do I feel like he blows me off or dismisses them. I thought that’s what marriage was about, sharing dreams, helping each other make your dreams and goals happen, etc. But then what happens, life gets a hold of you and it’s a whirlwind of trying to juggle everything so I can see where he feels defeated as far as goals and dreams go.

Looking back I would really take a hard look at whether or your man is even capable of helping you achieve your goals and dreams. For example, if you choose a selfish man and you are primarily the “caretaker” of the relationship you can probably bet on it and win that your man is only going to be concerned with himself and his dreams and goals. I remember I offered to save up and buy a Movado watch for my man and he said something to the effect that if that was all he could get (he wanted a Rolex) than he’d rather not get a watch at all from me. Seriously – could I share my goals and dreams with someone who tells me that what I was willing to work for wasn’t good enough? These were all clues that I didn’t pay attention to.

I can’t totally say my man has been supportive of any goals or dreams I’ve accomplished throughout my life and we rarely discussed any of them because if I wanted to accomplish something I guess I already knew I had to do it on my own. I put myself through college; I found my biological father on my own. I’ve gotten great jobs and worked for great employers on my own. I mean everything that has been a dream or goal of mine I have accomplished without any help from my man.

If you’re not comfortable sharing the small stuff with your man or depend on him for the little things what makes you think you can depend on him to help you achieve your goals and dreams. My piece of advice on this is choose someone you feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with all the time, because goals and dreams change all the time. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your goals and dreams with your man, there’s a reason and you should pay attention to it. Maybe it’s your own insecurity and you don’t have enough self-worth to feel worthy of even having any goals or dreams, that was my problem for a long time and this will definitely contribute toward your choosing a man who is more concerned with his dreams and goals than he will ever be with yours. This is a huge problem because if you put yourself second then you’ll always come second and it’s not necessarily all your man’s fault. Go tell your man some of your dreams and goals RIGHT NOW and see how he acts, it will be a great indication of where you stand RIGHT NOW.