Question 26 - Have you discussed your long-term financial goals with your man?

Francesca: My man and I are on two completely separate pages when it comes to our long-term financial goals. I wish we had discussed our “plan” for dealing with finances. They say that money is the number one thing people argue about. I say the kids are first as far as what we argue about, but then definitely money.

I grew up with parents who were extremely poor money managers and constantly talked about their financial woes in front of me. My husband grew up with parents who were business owners and were pretty well off. I’m a spender by nature and my husband is a saver by nature. I’m about today and he’s about tomorrow.

The one thing I do credit my man with is that he taught me how to care about paying my bills on time, which in turn has really done wonderful things for my credit. He really does have great philosophies about money, which have in turn instilled some great money practices in me. There’s always that part of me that just wants to go nuts and have a great time (OK it’s really a big part of me and it’s pretty much every day that I feel this way) but because of him, I’m able to curb that side of me and use my money for important things like my mortgage.

Our differing philosophies have really put a damper on the type of lifestyle each of us wants to live. I don’t get to take as many vacations I want, which puts a damper on my overall happiness, and he doesn’t get to put as much money in the bank as he would like, which puts a damper on his overall happiness. Life is long but life is short and I wish he would let us live it up on some things. Had we sat down before getting married we might have seen that our differences in this area are really something you shouldn’t settle for in a relationship because both of us lose.

Abby: Life is long, but zips past you in the blink of an eye. I’m a planner, so I think discussing what your long-term goals is essential. And I don’t believe that just because you have different spending habits that you can’t share what your goals are, and hopefully develop a plan to reach them.

My man and I were just talking about the importance of having our mortgage paid off when we retire. We had decided this about a decade ago when we watched his mother struggle to pay all of her bills after she was forced into an early retirement. It made a significant difference to her quality of life and her ability to see her grandchildren. We again committed to this goal when we discussed how our neighbor, who is 65 and retired, had her entire financial life ripped out from under her because of the great recession. Unfortunately, she has a large mortgage on a house she’s upside-down on, so she’s stuck.

I also have a friend whose man always wants the newest car. Most people know that buying a new car is not an investment, but an expense. It loses significant value immediately. He wants one every year or two. His goal of having a new car constantly is preventing them from having as secure a future as she would like. Had she known that his goal of car ownership was more important that the goal of financial security for his family, she might have reconsidered marrying him. Lord knows I would have! But what does she do now?

When my man and I discuss how financial planning has impacted the lives of those around us, we are able to determine if we agree with each other, and then develop a plan to address what we’ve discovered. We determine if a purchase or bill will benefit us more in the now than if we put the money toward a longer-term goal. It’s discussing these things continuously that keeps a couple moving in the same direction. You should lay that groundwork before you tie the knot, or you could be in for a nasty surprise.