Question 27 - Are you OK with your man's level of ambition?

Francesca: No, I’m not OK with my man’s level of ambition. There is such a HUGE difference between talking about doing something and actually doing something. Sometimes I’ll be at a restaurant or in a store and I’m watching people talk and I wonder about all of the bullshit that is coming out of their mouth. It seems to me that is what most people do.

Now the Donald Trump’s, the Bill Gates’, the Joel Olsten’s, and the Oprah Winfrey’s of the world don’t just sit around bullshitting; they actually do something with their ideas. I always wonder how someone like “Eminem” who basically grew up in a trailer park got where he is. And what about 50-cent, who was shot like 9 times and is now hugely successful – how to he go from lying in a hospital almost dead to 50-cent the famous rich rapper???

Now I’m not nearly perfect at doing what I say I’m going to do all the time, but my man hardly does anything he says he is going to do. He is not an action-oriented person and he’s always been a dreamer. He’s had some decent ideas and has done nothing with them. All the time I spend listening to his regrets like there is nothing he can do about it now! Whether it’s out of fear or procrastination or laziness, whatever it is that’s holding him back, I wish for his own sake he would get off his ass and find what it is that floats his boat. For example, “I should have gone to college.” Ok, then go now! He acts as if his life is over. My man makes me feel like crap because he acts as if having a wife and kids has translated into his life being over. You and I both know that he would act like this whether or not he had a wife and kids.

Pay attention to what your man SAYS he’s going to do and what your man ACTUALLY does. Watch to see if his words match his actions, and if they don’t, heed this as a big sign that he’s on the road to nowhere fast. Or maybe he’s on the road to average-ness fast and you have to convince yourself that being average is OK. Or, maybe you’re OK with average-ness, but your man really isn’t OK with it; he just doesn’t know what to do about it, which makes for a very frustrating life. If you choose a man but you’re not OK with his level of ambition, you will suffer right along with him.

Abby: A man’s level of ambition affects every aspect of his life. It’ll determine how much money he makes, the time he spends with his family, his fitness level, and his peace of mind. Because all of those aspects will affect your life too, you had better be OK with how ambitious he is.

Families with more money are healthier, and some might argue happier because of less stress. But, making more money comes at the cost of time. If your man is super ambitious, he might be OK billing 100-hour workweeks to make six figures. But that means you don’t see him. Is that big house worth it? Does he work so much that he can’t take care of his body? If your man is so ambitious, that he’ll end up fat or dead from a heart attack, that doesn’t help you either (no insurance jokes, please). Conversely, if he’s not ambitious, will that wear away at his peace of mind, or yours? Humans truly need to grow to be happy. So if he has no ambition, you could be in for a depressing ride.

My man had ambition when we met, but boy did he underestimate himself. He is absolutely amazing in dealing with people. He knew he wanted to reach a middle level within his industry, he just didn’t think he’d hit his goal in his 20’s. When he spent everyday with someone who had such faith in him (me), he realized that he had set the bar too low. He then added an MBA, and an even better job. But he also realized what impact it would have to move further up in the corporate world. I was so proud when he made the decision to not sacrifice family life for more power. I am still OK with his level of ambition.