Question 1 - Does your man want to be with you?

Abby: This may seem like a given, but we’ve all experienced the feeling when someone just doesn’t care when they see us next, or vice versa. I’m not talking about does he want to see you again after the first date; I’m talking about when you’ve been dating for months and are wondering about your future with him. If he isn’t looking forward to seeing you soon, you’ve got a problem. He’s just not that into you, and that is not something that improves with time.

I learned this lesson when I was dating a guy that seemed fabulous according to all of the criteria in my test that I had established thus far. He was successful, attractive, and fun. I could have continued dating him for months, maybe even married him. But I just had the sense that this wasn’t the full package. That was when it hit me. I was a catch to him, someone who would make a good wife, help his career, and impress his family. As he was talking about me moving into his penthouse, it occurred to me that I’d be setting myself for a lonely life where my husband wasn’t my companion. Plus, when he doesn’t care if you’re around early in the relationship, when sparks are flying, you can bet his eye will wander and you’ll be faced with a cheater. It’s mandatory in my book that my man want to be with me.

Francesca: We see it time after time that women totally "fail" to see the "signs" of when your man is cheating on you, when he becomes disinterested in you, or when he plain just doesn't care. It is so obvious when a man doesn't want to be with you. I'm sure there are those rare instances where people get absolutely sideswiped but for the most part, I believe we don't fail to see the signs; I believe we consciously choose to ignore the signs.

Rejection sucks, nobody likes it and nobody wants to be the victim of it. Some people say the number one greatest fear in life in public speaking; I disagree - I think it's rejection. That's why people choose to ignore the signs. If you acknowledge the fact that a man has become disinterested in you that would imply you are no longer in control of the situation (which you are not) which means there is great chance you are going to be rejected. So you do whatever you can to salvage what is left of what is inevitably going to end anyway. We drag it out.

How great would it be to just say to a man, you know what? You are totally uninterested in this relationship - don't lie, don't deny it and don't make excuses because I KNOW your priorities lie elsewhere. This is where the game comes in. The minute you do that guess what? You are in control. So what most men do is make excuses, deny, deny deny and then so goes the dragging it out part. Why do men get so many chances? Why can't we just know it's not right and walk away for good? No matter how it happens, it still hurts.

When someone wants to be with you, you know it. You know it in your brain, you know it in your heart, you know it in your bones, and you just know it. Same way "you just know it" when your man doesn't want to be with you, only admitting it when he doesn't is the tricky part.