Question 3 - Do you and your man have the same attitude about drugs?

Abby: This one can be a killer as your relationship matures. If your attitude is anti-drug use, you should not marry a man who uses drugs. Conversely, if you use drugs, you shouldn't marry a man who doesn't. You can't change people, so you need to be comfortable with the behaviors that they have and assume they'll be that way for the long haul.

If you assume your man smokes pot but will grow out of it when you have kids, you're setting yourself up for failure. He might, but he might not. And you need to be comfortable living with the might not. If you really can't see yourself with a man who smokes pot when he's 50 or could be too stoned to help you care for your baby, then you don't want to marry that man.

What made me think about it is I used to have a boyfriend who smoked pot with his mom. Her husband was cool with that. Would you be? Most people have a definitive yes or no to that question. Whichever it is, it needs to be the same as your man.

Francesca: He SMOKED POT WITH HIS MOM???

Smoking pot is retarded because it makes you retarded. No I would not be OK if my man smoked pot regularly. However, if he smoked “once in a while” I might not mind. If you’re not on the same page about drug usage with your man than be on the lookout for many arguments to come.

And don’t forget, many people are abusing prescribed drugs as well. Drugs in general are stupid and I feel really sorry for people who get addicted. This can happen at any time so even if you and your man agree on drug usage this can change at any time just like anything else if he puts himself in situations where his beliefs can be compromised.