Question 18 - Do you and your man have the same interest in reading?

Abby: As I’ve aged, I’ve spent more time watching the relationships of those close to me. I was always amazed that my parents didn’t share a passion for reading, when my dad read constantly. I believe that they would have been even closer if they had shared that hobby. They still have a strong relationship, but I’ve just always thought that they would have been closer if they shared that interest. It often left my mom with nothing but the television as my dad was engulfed in a book. You can’t discuss the plot complexities of a sitcom to the same extent that you can discuss a book. The conversations are just different.

The point here is that it would behoove you to pick a man that shares your interest in reading. If you read, so should he. If you don’t, then it shouldn’t be high up on his list of activities either. What happens when there is a disparity is that the person who reads will constantly be trying to change the other person by sharing something they’ve read. They’ll hope that by seeing how much they enjoy reading, the other will get on the bandwagon. But it just doesn’t happen. It just creates frustration on both sides.

This question came up for me because I’m an avid reader. It wasn’t until years later that I realized how lucky I was to have asked it. My man didn’t read much when we started dating, but that was because no one around him did. He enjoyed it, but he spent his free time with the guys. As he began to spend more time with me, his love for reading blossomed. Now, it’s an activity that we share. We always bring books on trips, visit the library every week, and discuss authors we both enjoy. It has truly added a depth to our relationship. An added benefit is that it reinforces reading to our kids.

Now do we have the same level of interest in reading…no. As I mentioned, I’m avid about it. I’ll finish four books for every one that my man does. I’ll participate in book clubs, read a couple of magazines a week, read every nigh before bed. My man is a more casual reader, reading when he has the time. But it still gets me excited when we discuss a shared character or plot. It’s that shared interest that strengthens our relationship.

Francesca: My man and I do not have the same interest in reading and it's very disappointing and frustrating. I have such a thirst for knowledge and education and he won't take the time to read a sentence of an email if it's too long. As a matter of fact he hates texting because he hates reading!

To me, reading is a part of every day life. I think it's necessary, I think it's a sign of intelligence and I actually think it's a sign of ignorance if you're not a reader. I have tried everything to get my man into reading - I've bought him books on corvettes because he lives for them. I've bought him books on the mob because their history intrigues him. I've tried feeding him books on death and dying because he has been disturbed for 10 years about his father's death. He just doesn't have the interest and won't take the time.

It drives me crazy that reading isn't important to him, I don't get it. It would be so great to look forward to hearing my man's perspective on a novel we've both read. I wish I had thought about how frustrating it would be BEFORE we got married.