Question 17 - Are you ok with your man's level of household cleanliness?

Abby: As your family grows, this is a factor that people don’t take seriously enough. Most couples fight at least once a month about cleaning, not to mention the resentment that lingers and filters into other areas of your relationship.

My man is not especially neat. When we were dating, I refused to even take a shower at his place. YUCK! He’s gotten a little better as he’s gotten older. Better, but still not good. Then again, I’m no clean freak myself. Before we ever got married, we acknowledged the reality of how much time we were willing to allocate to cleaning and decided it was worth paying for a housekeeper rather than fight about it. We were honest with ourselves and each other.

Later, when our first baby was itty-bitty, we were hiking in Utah with a lady who was telling us about her 10 kids. We asked her what her secret was to making it work. She said right away that she always kept a housekeeper. That she would sacrifice other things to keep the housekeeper because it kept her family from erupting.

We really thought about the wisdom in that advice and now have the same practice. Even though my house is full of toys immediately after the housekeeper leaves, at least I know my floors are clean and toilets scrubbed. I can spend time bonding with my man rather than being grumpy about cleaning or feeling like I’m doing more chores than he is. We eliminate that fight completely.

Now, the first response most people have to this is “I can’t afford a housekeeper.” The key here is deciding what your priorities are. For us, getting along was the most important thing. So when we built our budget, the housekeeper was more important than cable, cell phones, DSL, dinner out, movies, buying books, or going to the bar. We would even live in a smaller house just so we didn’t fight about cleaning. Give up soda or switch to the generic brand. Even if it’s once a month, you can probably find the money. Our priority is each other and we will sacrifice whatever it takes so that something as stupid as vacuuming doesn’t tank our relationship.

Francesca: My man is crazy-obsessive about a clean house. He says he likes cleaning but in my opinion he only likes the RESULTS - not necessarily the work it takes to get there.

We have had ONE cleaning lady over the years who can "clean like he does.". Why do I say this you ask? Because he curses and throws shit and bosses everyone around to clean with him whenever he freaking decides its time. I'm not OK with it because it's not done with pleasure and it gets my whole house in a frenzy.

I know you are probably thinking, "SHUT UP!". How dare I complain that my man cleans. You don't understand. I would be grateful and glad if he cleaned out of the goodness of his heart and he was doing it to keep everyone from getting sick or simply to help me out. But he does it for purely selfish reasons - HE can't stand clutter. HE can't take "the filth.". OK I don't think I've ever heard anyone say yea! I'm so excited, clutter and filth are for me bring it on. Find out what your man's household cleaning habits before you even CONSIDER living with him.