Question 14 - Are you OK with how many children your man currently has?

Abby: Marrying a man with kids brings with it a whole set of issues. What role will you play? Are you ready to be a parent? How will the kids respond to you? Will there be a relationship with the mother? It adds a level of stress to a marriage. You need to consider if you’re ready to jump into that level of complexity in your first year of marriage.

This was a deal-breaker for me. I refused to even date men who had children. I did not want to entertain the possibility of getting serious with a man who had that baggage. The key here is that I knew how I felt about it. I wasn’t going to get myself into a situation I’d regret. My friends are shocked at how absolute I was about it, considering how much of a mom I am now.

For many people, it’s not an issue and they love their man’s kids. But make sure you know how you feel. Really ask yourself what your feelings are so you go into a relationship being true to yourself.

Francesca: Children are a HUGE undertaking and even more-so when they're someone else's. I have an acquaintance who accepted 3 tween/teenage girls and a son into her life unexpectedly and to me she is a saint. Their biological mom pretty much told her new husband. "Here you go, they're all yours!" and this woman has stepped up to the plate in a way that I so admire. She also wound up having a son of her own!

Because these kids were rejected by their own mother they really appreciate their "new mom" but many situations are not like this. There are ex's and childcare arrangements and arguing and child support and then comes the love and attention that children need (and deserve - they didn't ask to be brought into this world), it's exhausting just thinking about it.

The MINUTE you find out someone you are with has kids RUN. Just kidding, don't run but think about truly whether or not you will be able to be a parent to his kids. If you're considering settling down with someone, their kids are going to be a part of your life too.

Also, if your man doesn't have a relationship with his kids consider that too because then he's not a man at all. There are no excuses like "She didn't let me see them"; there is only laziness and that's a great indication of what you have to look forward to if you have kids with him.