Question 13 - Is your man's race an issue?

Abby: You’d think in this day and age that race wouldn’t be an issue, but it still is. Only 5% of marriages are interracial. So you could still face some difficult conversations and decisions if your man is a different race. Not only might you discover that your family is less approving, but you might discover that you come from a background of unspoken racism. Some people would rather not face those issues and should choose a man accordingly.

My man is of a different race and I remember being nervous about introducing my parents to him. Now I’m hard-headed enough that I was prepared for a fight should one arise. My mid-western family was very accepting and in a weird way, almost bragged about it. However, my mother’s parents were not accepting. I made the decision that I did not need their racist views in my life and was comfortable excluding them from my life. I went years without speaking to them. My mother even stopped talking to them because of their views. It was several years down the road that they reached and asked if they could see me and meet my husband. Yes, you read that right…they had never even met him yet had deemed him unworthy. I made the hard choice of my man over my grandparents. If your man is of a different race, you’ll need to consider how hard you’re willing to fight those that matter the most to you.

Another aspect of interracial marriage to consider is the impact it will have on your children. Mixed kids often struggle with identity issues, not feeling a part of either race. You’ll need to work harder than same race parents to keep your kids confident. Is that something you’re willing to face to be with your man?

Francesca: I have to be honest, dating is one thing but settling down with someone of a different race is something entirely different. I know of someone now who just had a baby with a man of another race and all I can think of is what lies ahead for her. I'm not saying it's not worth it but for me it would be too much to handle. There are other things I would rather have to worry about.

We all know by now that Francesca is a little selfish... and vain... OK back to the question maybe it was engrained in my head to just not go there. Again, dating is one thing but committing to someone of a different race is another. Just thinking about the stares or the questions that would be asked as a result of other people's curiosity is too much for someone who worries A LOT about what other people think.

You have to be super secure in your own skin and really educated on what to anticipate from society. Sure, people are more open to it but there are always going to be ignorant, mean people out there who won't hesitate to make snide comments or point their finger at you and those are OUTSIDERS who feel comfortable enough to do that!

Think long and hard about whether or not you AND your man would make it through the hardships of a bi-racial relationship because relationships are complicated WITHOUT factoring this into the picture.