Question 21 - Would you leave your man if he gained 50 lbs?

Francesca: I would not be OK with ME gaining 50 pounds so why would I be OK with MY MAN gaining 50 pounds. I’m sorry but it is hard enough to make a relationship work without having to worry that man is letting himself turn into a big fat blob. I mean, come on, how could that be OK?

I get that the older you get it gets harder and harder to keep the weight off; I’m there myself right now. I get that when you’re “comfortable” and “happy” in your relationship you relax a little bit and eating together can become a social thing that both of you enjoy but someone has to set the standard and if it has to be the woman who does (as usual) then so be it. There is just no excuse, unless it’s due to some medical condition, to gain a significant amount of weight.

Thin has always been in, I don’t care what anyone says. I want to be thin, I want my man to be thin, and if it takes eating less and exercising more than so be it. My man would also not be OK with my gaining 50 pounds, which has really made me be conscious so that I don’t let that happen and I’m OK with him not being OK with me gaining weight because it keeps me motivated.

Your man should want to look good for you and you should want to look good for your man. I’m trying to impress my man and my man should be trying to impress me. If your man or you stop caring about weight gain, other important things will stop too, like sex. That said, would I leave him if he did? No.

Abby: My man looked at my mom and asked himself he would be OK with me looking like that in 30 years. He decided he was prepared for that, but he went into it knowing what could come. I was truly impressed when he told me that as we discussed this question.

I did not have the foresight that my man did. My man was hot when we started dating. He had even done a little modeling. I never thought much about how he would age. He’s 50 pounds heavier now than he was a decade ago. And the poor guy gains as much pregnancy weight as I do! Luckily, he loses it just as fast. He looks good, but now I worry about his health. I find that he feeds off my habits, so I feel extra responsibly to live a healthy lifestyle.

When I was younger, this question never would have occurred to me. It’s so easy to assume that you’ll be fit and hot forever. But as I get older, I notice the people around me more. The average woman gains 5 pounds per year. It takes regular exercise and a balanced diet to keep that from happening. And that takes work. And most people don’t do the work. We live in an obese nation, so you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think the odds are stacked against you staying thin.

So you need to be real about what your man, and you, will look like down the road. You need to discuss what your daily lifestyle will look like if you plan to commit to staying at a healthy weight. And if you are not OK with the possibility that your man could gain 50 pounds, he needs to know that. If you would leave your man because he got flabby, he needs to know that your love for him has a contingency. Then he can go into it eyes wide open and decide if he can live with that and if he wants to live with you.