Question 31 - Do you agree with your man on how much you should contribute toward paying household expenses?

Abby: I just have to say that the way Francesca manages her household expenses is WHACKED! She is responsible for paying the bills, mortgage, daycare, etc. Her man gives her whatever he thinks he should that week. Sometimes it’s a couple hundred, sometimes more. She never knows. Moreover, she doesn’t know how much he makes. Recently, she was short to pay that weeks’ daycare, and it was her problem! She had to go into savings for it. In addition, he criticized her for not having enough and not managing the bills properly. How is she supposed to plan a household budget when she doesn’t know how much income will be coming in?

When you set up house with your man, you had better determine how your bills are going to be paid first. Will you each put in a specific amount? Will you combine your income into a household account? Will you pick certain bills each of you will pay? How much will you save? There are many options.

I’ve done it several ways. I had a boyfriend who I cut a check to every month for the same amount and it was his responsibility to do the bills. I didn’t see how much the bills were, but I didn’t have to worry about them either. Now, my man and I have our checks direct deposited into a joint account. All of our bills are paid on automatic, no matter who generated the expense. We each get some cash and we use a credit card for most purchases (yes, we pay it off each month).

We function as a household. We earn as a household, we spend as a household. If one of us decided to stay home with the kids, does that mean no one pays that person’s expenses? No. So it doesn’t make sense to separate them either. Figure it out ahead of time, or you will feel resentful. Also, keep in mind that your system might need to change over time. Someone might get a big raise, lose a job, have a new bill. My advice is to set up your household budget and bill paying system with potential changes in mind.

Francesca: While I don’t necessarily “agree” with my man on the way we operate from a household expense perspective, the way the expenses are managed is necessary. My paycheck goes direct deposit; he cashes his check, gives me money to cover bills, and then saves the rest. I can tell you right now if I cashed my check and put actual cash in my pocket IT WOULD BE GONE in the flash of an eye. Sometimes I get really pissed off because it feels like bills absorb my paychecks while he gets to “keep” his money. I have to remember that he’s the reason we have emergency funds and he’s the reason we have as much as we have in savings.

I have never heard him complain about how much I contribute. I truly have no idea technically how much is “his” money that is being contributed toward household expenses because that would require an extensive analysis. I realize that for the most part he gasses up the cars, pays the landscaper, etc. The problem (like with everyone) is that there are too many expenses!

What I’ve learned that is most important about household expenses is as a couple, there has to be a comfort level with who’s contributing what. What I would say to do before settling down is make sure that your definition of “lifestyle” is the same. Decide who’s going to manage the majority of finances and how decisions are going to be made. My man won’t hesitate to have a huge car payment but getting him to spend money on a vacation is a whole other feat in itself.