Question 6 - Does your man encourage you to have a hobby that you do by yourself?

Abby: For your marriage to last, you need to stay interesting to your man. As time goes by, your ability to maintain conversations with him will become more important. If you don’t have anything to talk about besides what you do together, you’ll be dull and he’ll lose interest. That leads to him finding other people more interesting and preferring to spend his time with them. That’s never a good thing. You need to make sure that you keep up with your own interests, whatever they are.

This also ensures that you continue to grow as a person. This is another important part of a healthy marriage because if he continues to grow and you stagnate, you’ll end up growing apart. That is what causes people to divorce after 30 years. I've discussed this concept with my man as we watch people we know divorce. As we look deeper into how couples we know have matured, it becomes apparent when one or both partners lapsed into the mundane. Idle hands are the devil's playground. Partners get into trouble when they aren't growing.

Now you might argue, when do I have time. The harsh reality is that you need to swap something you are currently spending time on for time spent on a hobby. Even if it's just once a month, do something. Go to a pottery class, read, take a cooking class, bowl, play canasta, play tennis. Just get out there so that you have something that you do that makes your man wonder, what's she doing right now. Keeping the mystery alive will keep the magic in your marriage alive.

Francesca: If your man encourages you to have a hobby that has nothing to do with him that would indicate to me he has a good level of security with himself. It's very dangerous when your man wants you all to himself. All too often you see women give up what's important to them outside of their relationship to "spend more time" with their man. If you plan to stay with your man, you have the rest of your life to spend with him and I don't think an hour of yoga twice a week is going to kill your relationship.

If your man discourages you to have hobbies take it as a red flag as someone who may wind up being very controlling. But also make sure it's not YOU who is discouraging YOURSELF and then later on whine about what you "gave up" for your man. Just because your man sighs or hems and haws when you tell him you’ve decided to take up hula dancing at 35 doesn't mean he doesn't want you to do it; it might mean he's just seeing what he can get away with.